Monday, January 30, 2012


Andrew Jackson is my favorite president. I don't know much about his policies, but he was such a badass and free spirit, I just love his history.
Jackson was the last president to have fought in the American Revolution. He was a 13 year old courier and soon after, a POW. As a prisoner he refused to clean a British officer's boot and was slashed on the face and hands with a sword.
On this day, January 30, 1835, a gentleman attempted to murder President Andrew Jackson. The would be assassin brought two pistols and both of them misfired.
Ignore most pictures you see of Jackson, he was 62 when he took office in 1828. Well, Old Hickory wasn't having any of this assassination crap. He took to beating the poor sucker with his cane. Jackson, grew weary (he WAS 67 years old!) and tagged in his partner, Tennessee Representative,  Davy Crockett, who suplexed and bulldoged the enemy of freedom into oblivion.
This was the first attempted assassination of a U.S. president.
Jackson had escaped death. This was not the first time Andy Jack had kicked death in the ass.
Andy Jack began living with and soon married a woman named Rachel, who had never really been divorced from her first husband. People gave Andy Jack a ration of crap about this for years and he gave it back, most generously.
In fact, a scoundrel named Dickinson had written some scurrilous things about Rachel.
Jackson challenged him to a dual.
Dickinson got the first shot off and Jackson fell over dead.
Everyone thought Dickinson was the victor, when they heard, "My shot." They turned. Jackson stood there pumping HIS OWN HEART with his left hand. He raised his pistol and killed Dickinson.
The bullet was so close to Andy Jack's heart that they left it in him.
I haven't even talked about the Petticoat Affair or the time 'ol Andy Jack got hit in the head with a shovel and was declared dead but woke up to enact his bloody vengeance. I didn't mention how his inauguration party was so insane, Andy Jack had to escape out a White House back window.
I never understood the Chuck Norris meme; you don't need to pretend, there really was a guy that badass. I call him Andy Jack!

(If you insist on fucking up a good story with "the truth" go look somewhere else for your Andy Jack stories. HA.)

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